Greg Gutfeld: We should legalize drugs, and here's why

Gutfeld: This is the biggest story you aren’t hearing

‘Gutfeld!’ panel discusses the war against opioids.

Dr. Hart, a professor of psychology at Columbia, wrote one of the bravest books out there. Drug use for grownups. That was my major at Berkeley… I still can’t believe he didn’t ask me to write the forward. 

The book is about legalizing drugs. It might piss some of you off, but that’s what the drugs are for. But the book isn’t just about legalizing the easy ones like pot or mushrooms or the window cleaner Kat mixes with Gatorade — but heroin.  

This is when people say… “no, not heroin!” Look what that drug does: The lost souls on the streets, haunting city corners like ghostly zombies, living for a fix.  It’s true. We got problems.

But here’s the deal: That’s happening while the drugs are illegal. Yet they’re easier to get than COVID. Even my cat is dealing drugs.

*Video of cat high-fiving person walking past*

Yet, while we pour billions into a drug war – not unlike Afghanistan –  we just keep getting our ass kicked. We fund other countries’ militaries to fight the drug trade, then let anyone walk across the border with a bindle up their butt. It’s more counterproductive than a broom that shoots glitter.

In 2019, over 70,000 died from overdoses in the U.S. That’s 70,000 more people than have read Kilmeade’s new book. But during the pandemic, that number exploded, probably because they were trapped inside watching CNN.

So what’s causing this wave of death? Don’t blame prescription opioids, because as we cut down on that, the death rates skyrocketed. No today – overdoses are driven by fentanyl. And like the coronavirus and cheap patio furniture, it’s made in China.

It comes through our southern border and mixed into other street drugs to kick ’em up a notch. It’s basically Hamburger Helper for junkies. Tell us, Lara Logan.

TUCSON, Ariz. – U.S. Border Patrol agents working the Interstate 19 Immigration Checkpoint near Amado, Arizona, seized over 50 pounds of suspected fentanyl and arrested the driver of the vehicle on Oct. 13, 2021. (U.S. Customs and Border Protection)
(U.S. Customs and Border Protection)

Lara Logan, October 20: When the pandemic hit … We realized, oh, well, without China, we got no antibiotics. No medical equipment. So, what did they do to change that? Nothing. Right? And when China got all that capability, that’s how they found the analogues for fentanyl, which they then introduced as a street drug made a deal with the Mexican cartels. And now, they’ve got what? How many Americans are dying? Every year, and we hear nothing about it. // I mean, go to San Francisco, and nobody cares that you got people standing on the street pissing on themselves and, you know, and defecating everywhere, you know, and unable to function. And what do they say? Well, let’s reduce the mandatory minimum sentencing for fentanyl. That’s what the Biden administration just — department is working on right now.

During 12 months of the pandemic — nearly 100,000 Americans have died from ODs  – a 30% jump. Experts blame it on stay-at-home orders. I don’t buy it. Because when it comes to this stuff, the government is like our president’s underpants. Full of crap. Especially when it comes to health.

Remember the nutrition pyramid? It was everywhere. Classrooms, waiting rooms, the shed where I keep the au pair. But also cereal boxes. Yeah, imagine that: A box of carbs says you should stuff your face with carbs.  

Sadly, my chart had a typo, and I was eating 30 pounds of crabs a month. But a cereal company telling you to eat more carbs. It’s like the diamond industry telling you how many months’ salary you should spend on an engagement ring. We thought we were following the science, when we should’ve been following the money. Cookie crisp had parents thinking kids started their day right by eating a bowl of cookies. 

Remember those stories about fake doctors tricking women into “physical checkups?” That’s what this is. And yes, I stopped doing it years ago. They repossessed my van.

But this chart was dead wrong. And deadly. You had processed carbs in huge quantities turning healthy kids into mini Brian Stelters. Right now our adult obesity rate is 42%; up from 34% just ten years earlier. The only thing rising faster is our blood sugar.

So, what’s that got to do with drugs? Well, the same people who lied about food, are lying about drugs.

Right now when the government or media reports ODs – just like crime stats – they never get specific. They never tell the whole truth. It’s about illegal fentanyl. – not prescription drugs. And it’s not overdoses. It’s poisonings.

People buy drugs with fentanyl in them. And they die. Including people you know. From Tom Petty to Michael K. Williams, to athletes and actors. But the people you’ve heard dying of “opioid overdoses” – it’s fentanyl poisoning. Not prescriptions – but a poison used to kill people, deliberately.

It’s the biggest story you aren’t hearing because all you hear is “overdoses.” 

The U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration is seeing a record number of seizures of fentanyl. (Courtesy DEA)

The worst part of this – patients who rely on legal opioids for cancer pain and other diseases can’t get them, because we’ve conflated safe drugs with fentanyl.

But that’s pretending two totally different things are the same – like CNN and news. When it’s really terrorism. And it drives legal users to illegal stuff – and they die because they can’t control the dosage – or – like hot dogs, know what’s in it.

Imagine you could only buy cigarettes illegally, but one cigarette had 1,000 times the nicotine. You would die. Or at least sound like Kat. But instead, you can go to any market and buy a carton. In San Francisco they even let you take it. But the dosage is controlled. Meanwhile, stats show addiction is rare among prescription opioids, and overdoses are nearly impossible to find. 

Bet you didn’t know that. Because we are operating on the lie of “all drugs bad,” and punish the law-abiding. Here’s an analogy you’ll understand: What’s the biggest complaint by gun owners? No, it’s not that the gun jams when watching “The View.” It’s that the laws punish the law-abiding while doing nothing about illegal guns fueling street violence.

It’s the same argument here. We punish the law-abiding, and let the lawless kill. We’ll even provide clean needles so it’s the spiked drugs they die from.

Agents seized 40 pounds of alleged heroin and fentanyl during a bust in the Bronx. The drugs were branded with several names such as "COVID-19" and "Drop Dead," officials said. 
(New York City Special Narcotics Prosecutor)

But sadly we target the decent person who administers drugs safely in a safe environment like a doctor’s office or Kat’s apartment. But it’s time we stop this death. It’s also time to let people seek the relief they choose, and if they don’t hurt anyone, it’s no one’s business.

Everyone on this planet has a right to relief – whether it’s a martini, a joint, or an opiate. Because frankly, I’m tired of buying clean urine from Steve Doocy. If you need any – DM me.

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue on the November 5, 2021 edition of “Gutfeld!”

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